A Poetic, Neurodivergent Experience of Nature

In this audio file (black bar below), I explore a journey in the wilderness …

articulating my neurodivergent senses and experiencing,

of and with nature,

and how this connects me to an experience of Oneness 🫶.

Below you will also find the written transcript, and images of my noticings.

Poetic transcript:

I have not long started my walk and already,

now that I've entered the bush track,

I've been called to look at the beautiful bark on Guardian tree.

I've noticed a grass that's flowering and when I came up close,

I saw some little insects or bees frolicking,

busily working with the flower.

A few more steps and I hear the insects

in the grasses

 I notice the sway of the grasses in the breeze,

and the ripples in the water on the creek.

Being in nature engages my senses in such a way,

that I am less concerned about any existential angst that I wake up with,

most days.

I'm so curious about the why of things,

and that constant curiosity is both a blessing; because I love to inquire and co-create with life,

but it can also feel like a lot of unfinished business, because I'll never know it all,

and that can also feel a little bit like the flip side of curiosity; that constant search and the unmet feeling of resolution.

Whereas walks just remind me,

using my senses just to be in The Now.

To actually exist in the now,

rather than think about how I exist in the now.

They both have their merits.

One feels like bottom-up processing, as in the world enters me through my body and rises up so that I can recognize it in my brain. And the answering of questions feels top-down processing, which is enabling me to make sense of the world, and my place in it.

I listen to the birds and I'm about to cross the bridge.

I noticed the shimmer of the water and the wide open mouth of the creek,

as it narrows further ahead and takes a right turn.

I see a cleared path through the bush in three directions: one to my right, one straight ahead and one to my left.

 Newly planted native grasses around rocks underfoot,

bare earth, purpley-red rocks, birds above me.

I notice how phenomenological description (describing the sensory phenomenon around me), becomes a way that I, for lack of better word,’ ‘retaliate to’ the sensory input that I'm experiencing.

I sense at first, and then my mind labels it as a sound, or a feeling, or a texture, a sight, movement.

So it's like the sensory input,

I experience in real time,

and then there's a slight lag, very slight,

as my mind then labels that.

I noticed that I'm most in flow, when I sink more into the experience of Being.

Just allowing the birdsong to actually flow through my chest.

Even though I experienced it in my ears,

I feel the flow of connection through my chest space.

When I can just be with the sounds and the textures without the need to label,

that's when I feel most alive in my body …

it's more than a sense of reception, or receptivity.

It's a-part-of-ness …

I feel part of the ecosystem …

part of the seasons and the way that nature changes,

in its colours and life cycles.

Noticing where animals find homes amongst bark, and grasses, trees … wings spread

 I recall memories of walking this path countless times.

Times when I've created using the materials of nature,

Times when I've walked with my worries,

and felt bliss in natural oneness.

I take a breath

Notice pathways through the bush, to my right.

Flaking bark on the trees to my left.

Gravel underfoot, gently crunching under each millimeter, as I move my feet

A pathway created by ants,

leading towards a pathway,

created by animals.

I almost reached the end of the manmade path,

with the crunching underfoot,

and before I crossed this threshold into pure dirt: nature made dirt;

I always experience a sense of reverence ,

and an asking to cross the threshold.

There’s only been a few times where it's been a ‘No’,

most of the time,

I experience a resonant ‘Yes’ in my body,

which feels like a walking-through-flow of “Yes”,

in the air, within and around me.

That's how I experience it.

Here the ground feels different,

I sink in a little more,

notice light on the bracken,

more puddles, more mud

more trees, more birds

Another pathway to my left.

Trees swaying in the breeze,

against the bright blue sky.

Little birds,

several kinds around me

flying from branch to branch,

speaking to one another, tails moving

I feel their call in my chest

I see the beginning of Life,

through grasses coming through,

through roots sprouting.

I see what could be perceived as the end-of-Life,

through dead leaves on the ground,

however, they don't feel dead to me;

they are gifting themselves to another portion of their lifecycle,

which is disintegration, becoming one with the earth,

transforming into humus

I notice sparkling spiderwebs,

between trees and between branches …

The way that the melaleuca trees are all

an off-white, with dark bases,

And to the right, each of them are kissed by the sun as it rises …

While the left is in shadow.

Being in nature allows me to notice,

Get out of my own way.

Feel Oneness.

Experience all.

It gives me more of an opportunity to experience life in the way that I process best,

which is bottom up,

through experiencing the textures, the sounds ,

without the outstretched hand of weight,

while I process them in my brain.

Instead, they can just enter in and through my system.

Feels like almost back to being a baby,

where I could just experience without necessarily understanding

… and perhaps that is wisdom?

Another form of wisdom.

Perhaps not needing to understand and just experiencing,

Is Wisdom.

I come to a beautiful tree, completely speckled with lichen

An all-knowing eyeball,

benevolently looking out.

I see you too.

 I reach out to touch and connect.

I sense the tree watching me,

experiencing me, just as I am experiencing it.

I'm aware of the ecosystem of lichen and bacteria,

insects, birds,

minute spiderwebs,

beautiful moments of growth.

And this is just one tree!

This tree is a different species to the other Melaleuca trees around,

and I wonder if it wants to reach out and connect with me,

because I am different here too?

Definitely feels invitational.

All of the other Melaleuca trees right now,

feel as though they're an existing presence around me;

a community of presence,

whereas this tree,

genuinely feels like it's reaching out,

in its uniqueness,

to share and experience with me.

What a gift!

Thank you.

Sniff - ahhh

Further in, off the beaten track I go,

the more I smell that beautiful smell of nature,

where things have decomposed into the ground.

that smell absolutely divine.

Lights up the back of my nose …

feels like Earth inside me.

The Sun hits my eyes

I sense the birds around.

It’s as if my existence, my body, is painting a picture,

of all that is around me;

that is currently existing alongside me,

with me,

and I, with it

A We-ness.

Sometimes when I create these

spoken journeys,

spoken wilderness,

moments,

I feel saddened that I don't know how to …

share them.

This is how I am choosing to share them … an immersion of experiencing, through poetry, text, photography and spoken word.